Monday, July 30, 2007

A different take on theology

"... Suppose the neutral angels were able to talk Yahweh and Lucifer into settling out of court. How would they divide the assets of their earthly kingdom?

Would God be satisfied to take loaves and fishes and itty-bitty thimbles of Communion wine, while allowing Satan to have the red-eye gravy, 18-ounce New York steaks, and buckets of chilled champagne? Would God really accept twice-a-month lovemaking for procreative purposes and give Satan the all-night, no-holds-barred, nastry "can't-get-enough-of-you" hot-as-hell fucks?

Would Satan get New Orleans, Bangkok and the French Riviera, and God get Salt Lake City? Satan get ice hockey, God get horseshoes? God get Bingo; Satan stud poker? Satan get LSD; God, Prozac? God get Neil Simon; Satan, Oscar Wilde?

Can anyone see Satan taking pirate radio stations, and God being happy with the likes of CBS? God getting twin beds; Satan waterbeds? God-Minnie Mouse, John Wayne and Shirley Temple; Satan- Betty Boop, Peter Lorre, Mae West? God- Billy Graham; Satan- the Dalai Lama? Would Satan get Harley bikes; God Honda golf carts? Satan get blue jeans and fishnet stockings; God polyster suits and pantyhose? Satan get electric guitars; God, pipe organs? Satan-Andy Warhol and James Joyce; God- Andrew Wyeth and James Michener?

God- the 700 club; Satan- the C.R.A.F.T. Club?

Satan-oriental rugs; God, shag carpeting?

Would God take cash and let Satan leave town with Mr. Plastic?

Would Satan mambo and God waltz?

Would Almighty God be that dorky? Or would he rather see quickly that Satan was making off with most of the really interesting stuff? More than likely, he would. More than likely, he'd holler, "Whoa! Wait just a minute here, Lucifer. I'll take the pool halls and juke joints, you take the church basements and Boy Scout jamborees. You handle content for a change, apl. I'm going to take- style !"

(Fierce invalids home from hot climates, Tom Robbins)